Learning to say yes rather than learning to say no
3 min read
Shimla, March 02, 25
I am learning to phrase things in the positive which seems to be a more effective way of getting our brains to cooperate with us and find creative solutions. Somehow, we have learned to function in a world of negatives, no’s and don’ts, perhaps starting from the Ten Commandments, which got translated into a series of do not do this rather than do this, which will automatically define what not to do. Perhaps it would have been even better to speak about how to be, who to be, which would have automatically defined what to do!
Most people are sharply aware of what they do not want but have a lot of trouble pinning down the specifics of what they do want in life. Perhaps, our system of education and raising our future generations has this in-built. Perhaps, this is because our wild and free childish imaginations are somewhat tamed by the authority figures which would like us to conform to the current social norms. Whatever the underlying reason may be, it is more than high time to redefine things. History is witness to the fact that human consciousness and thought can seem to recede into the Dark Ages from time to time, thanks to the prevailing forces that rule, forces that would rather have an ignorant people to deal with than independent thinkers. It is simply easier to govern and rule. Get them focused on a series of nots, get them tied up into knots, and do whatever you want; control them as you wish. Once they have been habituated into submission and find it difficult to say no or rebel in any way, the ruling few can relax and enjoy themselves.
Of late, a lot of people have started questioning the status quo thanks to the Information Revolution; the thinking that brought the earlier generations up to here has become outdated and incompatible with the times that we are living in today.
There’s a lot of literature about learning to be more assertive and learning to say no. Approaching this from a different viewpoint, let us reframe it and look at ways of saying yes.
Yes to what we want, secure in the knowledge that once this has been laid down, everything else by default automatically becomes a no-go!
It is simply a different way of looking at things, I believe, more empowering than the traditional “How to learn to say no” approach.
So, let us start concentrating on what we want. Let us start saying yes to ourself, let us start defining “Who” we want to be, how we want to behave, how we want to feel and what we want to do with this precious life which has been gifted to us.
Let us chart out how we would like to invest, spend and use our time, energy and resources. Let us start getting focused on who we really are, let us define our identity and take it from there.
Once we start getting clear on who we are and what we want to do, moving down from the grand Vision into the specifics, anything that does not fit into the realm of that definition automatically becomes a no.
Once we become fully aware that this life-time is limited, we can tap into a sense of urgency regarding our purpose and the things that we would love to do while there is still breath in our body and energy in our limbs.
Every time I say yes to myself, to do what I have decided to do, and stick to it, I am automatically saying no to the rest of the world thrusting their agendas on to me.
Every time I say yes to someone else, to their requests and their priorities, I am saying no to myself, to my life purpose and my plans.
Try and examine who and what you are saying yes to in your life that is making you say no to yourself.
Start saying a full-blown, strong, resounding YES to yourself and this will by logical consequence become a no to others who wish to control and influence you for their purposes.
