Speaking with Integrity: Honouring Yourself and Others

“Be impeccable with your word. Respect towards yourself is manifested by keeping your word”

Words have immense power in our lives. How we speak and what we choose to say influences our relationships, the realm of our perceptions, and our inner landscape and then goes on to shape even our outer reality. Being impeccable with our word — speaking truthfully, thoughtfully, and with care — demonstrates self-respect and builds trust with others. When we honour our word, we honour ourselves.

One of my favourite mentors Dr. Wayne Dyer famously stated, “When you impair integrity, you weaken the fabric of life.”

Keeping our word intact preserves that precious fabric for ourselves and the collective. Going back on promises made erodes the connective threads between people that form the foundation of functional, grounded and caring societies.

What does it mean to be impeccable with your word?

It comes down to alignment, authenticity and integrity — a harmony between what you say, what you believe, and what you do. As the old adage goes, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”

When our word carries weight and truth, we garner self-respect. The converse is also true: self-betrayal through deceitful speech creates inner discord.

One Navaho proverb explains, “In the end, you will come to find that your greatest pain is the pain caused by the words still unspoken in your heart.” Speaking impeccably allows us to express our truth clearly and compassionately, without the burden of things left unsaid.

Impeccable speech also means taking responsibility for your expressions. Author Don Miguel Ruiz wrote in his book The Four Agreements, “Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.” He goes on to explain: “Use your word in the direction of truth and love…Your word is the power that you have to create. Your word is the gift that comes directly from God.” When we recognize that gift and use it benevolently, we honour the divine creative essence within us.

We all know that being impeccable with our word is not always easy. We are caught up in the way we have been brought up, social norms, family traditions, all kinds of conditioning and beliefs and we make mistakes. However, we have the responsibility of our own growth, of seeking to understand ourselves and others. We can work towards better communication, minimize assumptions about others, avoid harmful speech, clarify confusing expressions, and correct unintended falsehoods. Being impeccable is about doing your best with self-awareness, wisdom and care for how your words land.

We often mistakenly think that by keeping our promises, we are respecting others or staying true to the deals made and shall benefit from it, by getting the value from others.

Respect starts from within.

When you stay true to your word consistently, self-trust grows. You know you can rely on yourself, and your own integrity, which builds confidence. Once you are in a space of honourable alignment, you can then respect others more deeply.

Author Lynette Mather echoes this sentiment — “Self-respect permeates every aspect of your life. When you respect yourself, your motivation is pure. You stop doing things merely to please others.” Pleasing others at the cost of your values destroys inner light. She continues – “Staying true to your word enhances self-respect and self-esteem. You honour your uniqueness rather than compromising for a false sense of peace.”

The deepest sense of peace comes from living authentically.

Beyond boosting self-respect, being impeccable with your word also garners respect from others. When people see you operate with integrity, it models ethical speech and behaviour and sets a standard for truth-telling. Employee engagement expert Jesse Lyn Stoner describes it as: “When you demonstrate personal credibility by keeping your promises, you inspire trust.” That trust creates space for more meaningful relationships, productive teamwork, and cooperative growth.

However, as stated before, the fundamental intention is not to gain approval or trust from others. Jude Bijou, renowned psychotherapist and expert in mind-body healing, cautions: “Don’t make promises or say things solely to satisfy someone else or to make yourself look good. Instead, say only what you genuinely intend to follow through on.” Speaking anything less than your truth weakens the spirit. The most vital respect comes from inside.

Living in an authentic and wholesome manner, and becoming impeccable with their speech poses challenges for all people. Despite our best intentions, we cannot control all outcomes. Biases and filters do shape interpretations. Nuances do tend to get lost across cultural divides. Even small errors or omissions can distort complete precision. As another amazing soul, Thich Nhat Hanh gently puts it — “Do your best to say only what is true, kind and necessary. This does not mean you have to say all that is true or unkind.” Discretion and compassion temper impeccability with wisdom and care.

It takes time to unlearn old ways of communicating and lean into new, integral and more compassionate ones. Even when integrity seems impossible, there is always hope that we can go step by step towards becoming better. Though our past words cannot be retracted, our future words can be transformed.

Pema Chödrön states — “We always have the opportunity to make a fresh start…It’s never too late to do the right thing. Never too late to be impeccably honest with ourselves.” Each moment offers a chance to speak, think, and act from personal truth once more.

Overall, the impeccability of speech requires awareness and relentless self-examination.

Am I communicating in alignment with my values?

Do my words represent what I intend?

Are they expressed with care for their impact?

This level of conscious communication strengthens individual purpose and through a domino effect, collective unity as well. People notice when you live in alignment and authenticity and are inspired to follow suit!

Our speech breeds confusion and discord when it is untethered from fact or coloured with intention. However, when held and expressed with integrity, our words become building blocks of self-respect.

Being impeccable with your word manifests inner light and outer cooperation. Simply put, as I can state through personal experience, it makes the world safer, decidedly saner and more loving.

Respect starts from within, and from there resonates outward. Honour your word, honour yourself, and watch all of life flourish.

I will end with this very powerful sentence that someone had said to me many years ago: ‘When you speak only the truth, what you speak becomes the truth!’

Tina Saxena
A mindfulness practitioner and life-design coach.